Showing posts with label Jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jokes. Show all posts

Friday, May 22, 2009

..JOKES FOR THE WKENDS...

Hi hi there, wkends are here again...........let's enjoy this funny cute jokes and hv a good laugh ya.....HOW TO CHOOSE A BRIDE ...... MALAY STYLE OKKKKK....

Hrmmm choosing a bride pun ader style kah, wateverrrrrrr.....

A Mother was very concerned that her middle-aged son has not shown the slightest indication of getting married. So one day she called him over to her house.

The Son came home from work, grudgingly. Upon arriving, he found that his mother had gathered a few beautiful ladies at the house for him to choose as his future bride.

The FIRST one was a well-endowed Telephonist-cum-Receptionist.
He immediately commented: 'Aiyaa..... Mother, they always say...... PLEASE HOLD ON, HOLD ON.........'

The SECOND nominee was a leggy secretary.
She was also rejected.
Reason being: 'Aiyaa.... Mother, this one aaa..., Secretary always fond of saying 'PLEASE SLOW DOWN, SLOW DOWN........'

By this time, the mother is nearing frustration.
She called a sweet but plain-looking Teacher.
The Son suddenly agreed!!

The Mother was surprised and asked: 'Why this one?
The earlier two were a lot better looking!'

He replied: 'Teachers aaa.... Teachers very good, very good, always say: PLEASE REPEAT, DO IT AGAIN, I want it done 10 times.... SOME MORE, SOME MORE.....!'

Her youngest son (10 years old), was listening quietly all this while at the other end of the room. Suddenly, he shouted: 'Brother..... Female mini bus Conductor much better laa.....
they always say: 'NAIK CEPAT, NAIK CEPAT..... MASUK, MASUK........ MASUK LAGI, DALAM LAGI.....DALAM LAGI LAAAAH, MASUK BELAKANG..... BELAKANG LAGI, BELAKANG BANYAK KOSONG.....'


The mother fainted.......


Friday, April 3, 2009

...JOKES FOR YR WKENDS...

Hrmmmm lama tak tepek Jokes kat sini............happy wkends uols.....

Condom says to Kotex, "When you work, I lose seven days of business."

Kotex replies, "If you fail to work once, my business stops for nine months


A black guy and a white girl met at a nite club. She took him to her apartment and said: "tie me to the bed and do what black men do best!" so he ran off with the TV and VCD...


Wife: "I wish I were a newspaper, so you can hold me every morning!"

Husband: "I wish you're a newspaper TOO, my dear so I can have a NEW ONE every morning!


A Chinese couple got married. When baby was born, her eyes were big and blue, hair was curly and blonde, skin was brown. Finally, name of the baby was SAM TING LONG ("some thing wrong")


A lady visited her doctor one morning.

Doc said: "You look so weak and exhausted! Are you eating your meals 3 times a day as I advised?

Lady : "Doc, I thought you said 3 males a day!"



Phone rings and maid picks up the phone as her master is bathing.....When the caller asked what he is doing, the maid replied: "MASTURBATING."(master bathing)



:):):):):):):)

Friday, February 6, 2009

...SADAR JEE...

Let's cheer up and have a nice weekend.

Boss: Where were you born?

Sardar: India ..

Boss: which part?

Sardar: What 'which part'? Whole body was born in India .

2 sardar were fixing a bomb in a car.

Sardar 1: What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.

Sardar 2: Dont worry, I have one more.

Sardar: What is the name of your car?

Lady: I forgot the name, but is starts with 'T'.

Sardar: Oh, what a strange car, starts with Tea. All cars that I know start with petrol.

Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer.

Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.

Sardar: Keyboard alphabets were not in order sir, so I made it sequencely..

Museum Administrator: U stupid..That's a 500-year-old statue u've broken!!

Sardar: Thanks God!!! I thought it was a new one..


At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God!! I have lost my hand, oh!!

Sardar: Control yourself sir.. Don't cry.. See that man. he has lost his head. Is he crying?

Sardar: U cheated me.

Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.

Sardar: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says this is ""All India Radio! """


NOW THE LAST TWO ULTIMATE :

In an interview, Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?

Sardar: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr.....Dhhuuuurrrrrrrr......

Inteviewer Shouts: Stop it !!!!!

Sardar: Dhhuuuurrrrrr.. dhup dhup dhup dhup...... Stop ready sir..

Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?

Sardar: An old king's skeleton.

Tourist: Who's that smaller skeleton next to it?

Sardar: That was same king's skeleton when he was a child .

Last but not least, nenek jeeee makan sphaghetti for lunch..........hehehe....HAPPY WKENDS :)

Chicken Black Pepper



Friday, October 31, 2008

...HOORAY WKEND...

Wkends are here again, hope uols will hv a WONDERFUL WKENDS :)

As for me, will b bz shopping for Kak Yana stuffs for her Cambodia Trip. For info, me and hubby have decided to let Kak Yana go for the Cambodia trip. We already hv full information about her trip itinerary to Cambodia, so less worries.....she will be staying at the hotel throughout the 7 days trip, this is also a relieved for me, at least she will have a comfortable night sleep. The rest will be trips to the schools, historic places, night market and markets, plantations, etc.....and also thanks to uols for the comments given on my previous entry to Kak Yana on the galakan and sokongan fo her trip to CAMBODIA.

Lets enjoy the jokes and keep SMILING :):):)

SAM: Kenapa kau cakap minum susu segar boleh bawa maut?
DOL: Sebab semalam semasa aku tengah minum, lembu tu terajang aku. Nasib baik tak mati.

============ ========= ========= =====

SAM: Apasal ko marah kat tokey kedai 2 Ringgit tu?
DOL: Sebab dia tipu. Aku beli 3 barang dia mintak 6 ringgit. Kata kedai 2 Ringgit!!

============ ========= ========= =====

SAM: Kau kata ikan emas peliharaan kau mati lemas? Mana kau tau dia mati lemas?
DOL: Sebab aku jumpa ia mati dalam air!

============ ========= ========= =====

SAM: Semalam aku nampak hantu!
DOL: Uih! kau terkejut tak?
SAM: Taklah.... hantu tu yang terkejut tengok aku.
DOL: Mana kau tahu?
SAM: Aku tengok muka dia pucat semacam jer....

============ ========= ========= =====

SAM: Apasal kopi yang kau buat ni rasa masin?
DOL: Gula dah habis!
SAM: Yang kau pergi campur garam apasal?
DOL: Kan aku kata, sebab gula dah habislah!

============ ========= ========= =====

SAM: Aku tengok kau beberapa hari ini "candle light dinner" dengan bini kau, mesti dia suka.
DOL: kena marah adalah! Api rumah aku dah kena potong lah, lupa nak bayar bil elektrik!

============ ========= ========= =====

SAM: Aku ada AIDS? mana ada...
DOL: Aku baca 1 dari 10 orang kat Negara ni ada aids. Aku dah tanya 9 orang, semua tak ada aids, kau orang ke 10, tak payah tanya, aku dah tahu...

============ ========= ========= =====

SAM: Dol, aku dengar bunyi batuk kau makin teruk!
DOL: Iya ke? kalau macamni aku kena banyak berlatih agar dapat Batuk dengan lebih baik lagi.

============ ========= ========= =====

SAM: Dah dua kali perompak yang sama datang merompak kedai kita.
DOL: Tu lah aku dah cakap kat kau, jangan pasang signboard "SILA DATANG LAGI"...degil!

Friday, September 5, 2008

....LETS JOKES...

Lets hv some fun seminit dua..............


Curi ke tak curi?

Seorang pemuda sedang menjalani perbicaraan dihadapan hakim atas tuduhan mencuri basikal seorang gadis..

Pemuda: Tidak! Saya tak curi basikal itu.
Hakim: Jangan kamu cuba menipu. Gadis ini membuat laporan mengatakan kamu mencuri basikalnya.
Pemuda: Dia tipu! sebenarnya, dia memberikannya secara percuma.
Hakim: Maksud kamu?
Pemuda: Begini tuan hakim, ketika saya dalam perjalanan pulang dari sekolah, gadis in! i meminta bantuan saya untuk memboncengnya menggunakan basikalnya sendiri. Dalam perjalanan, apabila tiba di kawasan semak, gadis itu menyuruh saya berhenti. Dia kemudian membuka baju dan seluarnya dan berkata kepada saya bahawa saya boleh mengambil'barangnya' yang berharga dengan percuma. Jadi saya terfikir, kalau ambil baju wanita itu, bukan saya boleh pakai sebab saya lelaki. kalau ambil seluarnya pula, pun begitu juga. Akhirnya , saya ambil keputusan untuk mengambil basikalnya. Itula! h cerita sebenarnya.

Hakim: !!!???!!!


Nenek yang nazak

Seorang nenek nazak didatangi Mudhin, tiba2 nenek terketar2 dan meminta kertas dari Mudhin

Setelah menulis , diberikanya kepada Mudhin.

Selang seminggu kematian neneknya , Mudhin pun memberitahu ahli keluarga supaya berkumpul.

'Sebelum arwah meninggal ada ditinggalkan wasiatnya pada saya'.

Mudhin pun membaca surat yg berbunyi: 'Woit Mudhin, jgn pijak getah oksigen tu, aku tak dapat bernafas, nak kiok dah ni!!'


Kisah sedih lelaki sengau

Seorang lelaki yang sengau naik ke sebuah bas lalu bertanya kepada pemandubas 'Vang.. vas nih fegi hamfang ke...? ' (bang, bas ni pergi ampang ke?).Pemandu bas itu berdiam diri. Marah kerana tidak dilayan, lelaki sengau itu pun turun dari bas.

Seorang lelaki lain di belakang pemuda sengau tadi pun bertanya kepadapemandu bas itu.'kenapa awak diam tadi? kesian dia...'

Pemandu itu pun menjawab: 'Masham mana haya nak hawab.... haya hun hengau hugak.. hhanti hia hata haya hehek hia hulakk!!!........'(macam mana saya nak jawab.. saya pun sengau jugak.. nanti dia kata saya ejek dia pulak!!!)....


Maaf cik, permohonan anda ditolak

Seorang pengarah sebuah syarikat sudah mendapatkan Sekretari yang diinginkan, lalu beliau menugaskan stafnya Budin untuk meneruskan baki temuduga dengan calon-calon yang masih ada...Pengarah tersebut mengarahkan Budin menolak semua calon yang tinggal. Dengan yakinnya Budin melaksanakan tugasnya. Satu persatu calon dipanggilnya.

Budin : 'Kamu memohon sebagai apa?'
Calon 1 : 'Sekretari'
Budin : 'Kamu merasa cantik ke tak?'
Calon 1 : 'lebih kurang macamtu la'
Budin : 'Permohonan Kamu tidak diterima.'
Calon 1 : 'Sebabnya?'
Budin : 'Nanti pekerja disini akan jatuh cinta pada kamu dan berlaku perkara tak elok...'
Calon 1 : 'Sebenarnya saya merasa tidak cantik'
Budin : 'Makin lah saya tidak terima.'
Calon 1 : 'kenapa pulak ?'
Budin : 'Buat sakit mata aje'

Calon berikutnya...

Budin : ' Kamu ada pakwe?'
Calon 2 : 'Ada..'
Budin : 'Di mana?'
Calon 2 : 'Di luar negeri.'
Budin : 'Permohonan Kamu tidak diterima.'
Calon 2 : 'Alasannya?'
Budin : 'Nanti kamu hanya bermain telefon dengan pakwe.. dan bil melambung'
Calon 2 : 'tapi Minggu depan pakwe saya sudah pulang.'
Budin : 'Makin lah saya tidak terima.'
Calon 2 : 'Alasannya?'
Budin : 'Laa.. nanti kamu selalu ponteng untuk berjumpa pakwe kamu.


Jual Telur

Pembeli: 'Dik, telur sekilo berapa?'
Penjual: 'Telur ayam atau telur itik?'
Pembeli: 'Telur ayam.'
Penjual: 'Telur ayam biasa atau ayam kampung?'
Pembeli: 'Ayam biasa.'
Penjual: 'Yang tempatan atau yang import?'
Pembeli: 'Yang tempatan.'
Penjual: 'Yang tempatannya mahu yang dari Ipoh, Kuala Selangor atau Tampin?'
Pembeli: 'Yang Ipoh lah...' (Sambil terlihat kesal).
Penjual: 'Mahu yang Ipoh Pusat, Barat, Timur, Utara, atau Selatan?'
Pembeli: 'Adik nie jual telur atau nak jalan-jalan?'
Penjual: 'Maaf kak, saya penjual mee rebus kat sebelah. Kebetulan yang jual telur pergi makan.Saya disuruh berbual dulu dengan pembeli sampai dia datang.


"SELAMAT BERBUKA DAN SELAMAT WKEND"





Tuesday, June 17, 2008

MORNING GLORY TO ALL.................

Yok we layan joke lagi, given by my fren yg nun jauh di mata tapi dekat di hati :


>> Wanita lebih sejuk dari peti ais kerana ada barang yang belum sempat dimasuk, sudahpun keras!

>> Kajian mendapati bayi lelaki lebih manja dari bayi perempuan kerana bayi perempuan paling lama menyusu hingga 2 tahun tapi bayi lelaki menyusu hingga ke tua.

>> Petua isteri, kalau mau tahu suami dah main dengan perempuan lain, bila balik rumah, rendam suami dalam bath tub. Kalau buahnya terapung, hukumnya sah 'air' sudah buang...

>> Beza wanita & gajah - gajah ditembak dulu baru rebah, wanita rebah dulu baru ditembak.

>> Beza lelaki & gajah - gajah kepalanya berbelalai, lelaki belalainya berkepala.

>> Ramai tertanya-tanya kenapa zakar berdiri tegak ketika melakukan seks. Setelah dikaji secara teliti, rupa-rupanya didalam vagina ada lagu "NEGARAKU".

>> Inilah doa isteri jika kemaluan suaminya disengat tebuan. "hilangkan kesakitan yang ditanggungnya, tapi kekalkanlah bengkaknya, Amin..."

>> Sesungguhnya orang-orang yang bangun dan mandi disubuh-subuh hari adalah orang-orang yang mengerjakan bininya malam tadi...




Thursday, June 12, 2008

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AM I BORED...........

Hi hi, I hv nothing interesting to update, and I felt bored. Why??????????????? Maybe office works dah berkurangan, nooooooooooo I dont think so, but affected a bit jugak.

I think I know why exactly my feeling is so soreeeeeeee today, symptom of my monthly fren since yesterday night, probably that is the caused. But too early this month, every month it changes date, need to let my doctor knows about this when I visit him next month during my quarterly check-up.

For now, lets enjoy the funny jokes below, got it from Matilda :

Subject: Relax (very funny must read) .

Q: What is the closest thing similar to a woman's period?
A: Your salary, it comes once a month lasts about 5-7 days and if it doesn't come means you are in big trouble.

Q: What three things are common between the sun and woman's underwear?
A: Both are hot, both look better while going down and both disappear at night.

Q: Why do men ask for a woman's hand in marriage?
A: Because they are tired of using their own.

Q: What's common between men and video?
A: Both go backward... forward... backward... forward... backward.... forward... stop and eject.

Q: What goes in dry, comes out wet, and gives warm satisfaction?
A: A teabag.

7 qualities to be a perfect wife:
Beautiful,
Responsible
Energetic
Adorable
Sweet
Truthful and
Self-Organized.
In short, she must have good B.R.E.A.S.T.S

Q: What is the similarity between men and rats?
A: Both keep searching for new HOLES.

Q: What's the difference between biology and sociology?
A: When the baby looks like his dad, then it is biology. When the babylooks like the neighbour, then it is sociology.

Doctor: You look so weak & exhausted. Are you having 3 meals a day as Ihave advised?
Lady: Doctor, I thought you had said 3 males a day.

Q: Girl friend & boy friend go for a movie. In the dark, a mosquito enters the girl's skirt. Guess where it would have bitten?
Answer: The boy's hand.

Q: Tarzan and the animals went to the river to take a bath. Tarzan removed his clothes. All the animals laughed. Tarzan asked 'Why'?
A: The animals told him...........'Your tail is in the front'