Monday, November 4, 2013


Assalammualaikum to all my dearest bloggers frens and yg mostly already in my FB :):)...selamat menyambut tahun baru untuk semua, semuga di tahun baru ini kite akan di beri hidayah dan di berkati kehidupan kita, In Shaa Allah.

Life was tough...very tough for me thou, things change for the best, I do hope so and hoping that my life di tahun baru ini akan lebih bermakna dan akan mendapat ketenangan yg sewajarnye.

Miss my life, life yg once upon a time was a cheerful woman, tak kenal erti marah, tak kenal erti benci, and all of a sudden, I became a woman yg sangat-sangat pemarah dan pembenci. But Alhamdulillah semua yg berlaku ada hikmahnye.  Penghijrahan yg baru ini amat menenangkan hati dan memberi keyakinan pada diri sendiri. I felt awesome with the changes walaupun di kritik, di hina but I am so positive, tomahan yg diberikan begitu tidak bermakna and the best is to ignore.  I managed to hold the anger yg sangat menyakitkan hati, alhamdulillah.

The only resolutions I have in my life now is to be with my kids, to give them all the love that I can selagi masih bernyawa di bumi Allah ini. To always be there for them...we are going to be alrite, we are going to be fine, everything is going to be fine...In Shaa Allah. They are everything I have now in my life, no matter how hard it is, we are going to pull through.

OK for now, there are things to settle that need to be settle, will be here again when time permits and if jari jemari ini tidak malas untuk menaip dan brain ini tidak malas untuk berfikir apa yg harus di ceritakan.

Assalammualaikum :):)

Thursday, May 16, 2013


Now u see u don't.....haiii m like a biscuits kan, kejap ada kejap tak der.

Really blogging ni dah macam malas lah pulak......almost everyday at FB till blog tak berupdate n dah macam tak bertuan.

I have realized ramai jugak my frenlist at this blog yg lama jugak tak update eh...dah berhijrah ker FB :)

So don't say I don't follow....I did...but at FB, hehe.

Penantian satu penyiksaan.  Satu penyiksaan bagi setiap individu yg akan melalui process penukaran kehidupan.  Hrmmm macam mana pulak kan.....well process yg amat sensitive yg semua wanita tak mahu melalui nye, but disebabkan keadaan, terpaksa jugak di laluinye walaupun pahit dan perit.

It has been almost 8 months, things still have not settled.   It takes too much time to settle this, but well itu lah procedure nye, we have to go through stages before the whole process is done with.  So waiting n waiting lah, and while waiting there are so much hurting also that we have to go through.  When both party cant compromise, its definitely not going to be easy.

And when the other party started to provoke you in many ways, you hardly cant control yr anger and patience.  But Alhamdulillah I managed even thou darah dah naik sampai kat otak ni.  But m still cool lah sebab nye I don't want to create any issues before semuanye settle dengan selamat.  I rather keep my distance and act I don't care or hell care.

Its not easy, I can tell you its torturing, only those yg ever melalui process ni jer yg tahu hw it felt.  Like me jugak, dulu when gfrens went through this process I only know hw to kasi pendapat jer, but when I went through it myself, ya Allah macam gini rupanya keadaan dan reality yg harus di hadapi.

M really hoping that everything can be settled in a proper way without any issues atau pertelingkahan, it involves so many people in our life, so it has to end in a proper way....In Shaa Allah.

Till then, till we meet again here in this blog of mine...ASSALAMMUALAIKUM

Tuesday, February 19, 2013


Assalammualaikum............been sometimes since I update this sweet little blog of mine.

Firstly, I have shifted back to Singapore, due to why....oh myyyyyyy I cant tolerate the massive jams at the Causeway no more...2 yrs are enuf for me and the kids.  Life was great 2 years ago and we managed, but after 2 years the kids start to scream at me every now n than, cant have their free lifestyle when they are in SG and yahhh Aqil, his educations, drop drastically.   Thats the main reasons why I shifted back.  Hopefully In Shaa Allah things will change, of course the gurls are now very happy to be back and was hoping Aqil will get back on track on his study. All are settled with the house, back to normal life here in SG with everything very expensive horrrr...haha..well In Shaa Allah will manage.

My life...I have been tested over and over again.  What I went through is very common in marriage life but how u handle it is the main issue here.  Yes we are tested, can we handle it....its always the 1st, 2nd and 3rd chances given in whatever happened.  Once you broke your promises it will never be easy to gain back the trust that you had broke.

It has never been easy for me for the past 3 years, yes to love back someone that you cherished so much in your life after you had been betrayed.  I managed when it happened once, twice and thrice, thou its so hard, harder than I had expected it to be.

And after all the sacrifices that I had done, its all gone to waste.  I ask myself.....what do you really want from me and our marriage, and I know there will be no answer to it.  What I had always scared of is happening again, and its really torturing my minds till the end of it.  I have become a woman that has no pity on a bitch like her and my feelings to forgive and forget are gone with my anger.  DONT you deserve this???? yes I should say u deserved it.

On the other hand, I will leave to Allah for what is going to happen after this, M leaving it to fate, only fate will tell us if we shall be together again or vice versa.

As for my feelings, its all gone, its gone like 3 yrs ago, n till today I cant even have a glance on you...its better if M not having you in my life at all ':(

Oppssss time to go, In Shaa Allah will write again, take care all...luvvvv.

Friday, December 7, 2012


Helloooo...haizzzz hw come eh malazzz betul nak berblog...really tau, tak der motivations langsung, nak kata bz kat office ni, not really, now lagi holiday mood, cause the boss is on holiday :)

Many things to story mory....but dont know where to start.  Will just start with my freaking out medical issues.

When we dah berumur ni macam-macam boleh berlaku kan.  Especially our health conditions.  The past months I noticed that my hormones ni dah over sikit, meaning if I hv my period dah macam tap water, not only that, with the blood clot yg sebesar paru 1/2 kg jokes, this is very serious.  Pernah satu hari tu, I went to the toilet lah nak tukar pad, than I rasa macam something came out macam very fast, macam rasa give birth pulak. Than when I looked at it, mak ai besarnyer darah beku, I was like shocked lah kan, macam terus pitam.  So decided the next day must go n see doctor.

This is how it looks like...oh this is not mine lah, tak kan nak snap pic pulak kan...thanks to Google :)

So I went to see Doctor, government clinic jer, nowadays medical very expensive, so lets just bedal Government clinic dulu lah.

Blah blah blah, explaining to the doctor my problem, I was asked to go for a scan + scopic (dari bawah ok).
And also baru lah I realize after I went for a blood test on the same day, I have :
  • Anemia - a decrease in the number of red blood cells (RBC), which may lead to low red blood count. 
The treatment for Anemia, either I have to go for blood transfusion or can try and take more Calcium n Vitamin C  for a start.  If it doest improve, than I have to go for blood transfusion.  Well for this I am still taking the medications, it's better and will just continue with it.  

Ok, back to my scan results, doctor diagnose that I have a fibroid which is about 3.5cm and  also something that they could not detect which is dekat kawasan rahim.  So the solutions is, I have to go and see a gynae to make a thorough check.

Date was set for me to go n see a gynae at KKH, it was on the 15/11/2012.  This time I am really freaking out ok, sebabnye if dah sampai go to hospital, confirm lah macam anak ayam nanti, I ni kan very the penakut bab seluk-seluk ni, haha.

OK, I went to KKH with hubby, he took leave to accompany me, actually I told him tak payah lah, let me go sendiri, but he insist, than ok lah ada orang nak teman why not kan.  M lucky, even its a subsidize clinic but I got this amazing specialist, mat salleh doctor, she was gentle and friendly ok and memang baik sangat untuk akak yang penakut ni.  Well, went in and told her abt the scan results and all the stories, than after all her explainations, she wanted to do a vagina scan and do some test. 

Something like this, cause intrument macam sama, sanggup google 

Okay, this part yg I really-really wanted to cry ya,cause I m freaking takut sangat sampai I genggam lengan doctor to kuat-kuat.  She was so gentle and even told me stories sampai I tak rasa benda tu dah masuk.  One done than she said ok dear, I need to put in my finger just to check...wattttttttttttttttt.....huwarghhhhh, cold sweat masyaallah, macam nak lari jer lah.  Frankly I memang takut sangat pasal ni semua, dari mengandung anak pertama sampai yg ketiga, n sampai now lah, memang sangat takut.  Anyway, I redha lah, dah nak kenek seluk, nak buat camner kan, so ok, lagi skali I genggam lengan doctor tu sekuat-kuatnye.  Macam nak masukkan apa, padahal cuma doctor wanted to check and ambik some sample to do a Cancer test.

When all done, I was so relieved sangat, macam baru lepas perang, thou kat dalam tu aircon full blast but m sweating.  

Continue with the chit-chatting, results will be out in few weeks time, n she had suggested few things for me before further things terbongkar.

For the heavy mensus flow, she suggested 3 things, to take medications, to use IUD or to go for holes surgery to remove the uterus (meaning I will not have mensus anymore, so no more buying of KOTEK)

Of course I chose no. 1 to try on the medications first, if it doesnt work, than will look at the other 2 options.  Which the doctor also think its wise of me to choose the first one :):)

And alhamdulillah, just got my mensus,took the medications for my 1st and 2nd day, the blood flow was normal , really under control, thou there are blood clots, but its the norm.  I am super happy, looks like the medicine works so far.

And now only waiting for my scan results, any urgency or not it will be send via sms and will be mailed also. So next appointmnet to see doctor for follow up will be in Jan 2013.

The results came on 20/11/2012, that was fast via sms..................TO BE CONTINUED....penat menaip

Dear frens I will sambung with this story soon ok, another freaking news yg membuat I lesu tak bermaya ':(


Friday, November 9, 2012


Dear blog.....I mishhhhh uuuuu....miss updating lately, I really really hv no ideas what to blog about...thou there are many things but m clueless...why izzit this it because I really have to stop blogging or its just one of those malazzzz mood to think of what to write here.

Well 3 precious latest photo for me to update here will do it for now...n to uolzzzz that came by to visit this blog of mine..............HAPPY WEEKENDS...FOR SURE SOME ARE GOING FOR LONG HOLIDAY HAA...ENJOY EVERY MOMENT OF IT WITH LOTS N LOTS OF LUV YA....ASSALAMMUALAIKUM :):)

Wednesday, October 24, 2012


Assalammualaikum uolzzz...dah macam mak Jemah kan uolzzzzzz dari ERA....

I cant wait for the wkends to come, because its a long holiday for me.....N m so loving it cause I nak relaks di rumah sepuas-puasnye.  I think same goes to those yg slalu berulang-alik hari-hari dari JB to Sin to n fro, if opportunity like this, tak sabar rasanye untuk merehatkan diri yg dah terlalu capekkkkk berulang-aling menempuh hiruk-pikuk di Causeway :)  So to those yg tak work on Saturday, apalagi, long holiday lah kan.

As for me, this Saturday was supposed to be my work day, but since I dah replace last Saturday, so m relieveeeee....but still, thou resting, need to do revision with Aqil cause his exam is not over yet.  But small matter lah, we r just going to enjoy the study bonding time together at home.

Anyway, sempena nak menyambut Aidil Adha yg bakal menjelang tiba ni, me wishing semua umat islam tak kira di mana sahaja, ter-especially yg berada di Makkah, SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDIL ADHA UNTUK SEMUA....

Last but not least, to all yg akan pulang ke kampung untuk beraya tu, berhati-hati semasa memandu semuga semuanye selamat ke destinasi yg hendak di tuju ok.....ENJOY THE HOLIDAY UOLZZZZZZ.

Saturday, October 20, 2012


Hi Assalammualaikum....hv been out of the office for 2 days, was not feeling good, but today on Saturday I hv to be here in this boring office..still recovering and feeling week after 2 days of resting at home.

Anyway, have a great wkends to uolzzz ya...enjoy the wkends :):)