Really not in the mood today. From morning until now, lazy, worried and angry feelings at one go.
Monday bluesssss.........this is more than bluesssssssss.
I've been quiet since morning, didnt talk much to anybody at the office. I'm really not in the mood to talk, felt very lazy to talk to anyone.
I'm worried thinking of my 3 kids at home. Today Aqil is taken care by his 2 sisters. Umi cant take care of him, she needs to go to Hospital to look after my BIL. I understand the situation of course but just worried thinking of my 3 kids at home. Lucky today school is closed for youth day, if not I hv to bring Aqil to work today and send him to school from work. I went back home a while during lunch just to check on them and had lunch with them at home. Kebetualan hubby called to tell me that he bought lunch for the kids and wants me to join him at home to hv lunch with them.
And I'm angry with someone. That someone is my brother, I had another brother which is about 5 yrs older than me. He is really pain in the ??? I dont want to elaborate about what had happened to us in my blog about him, he made me very mad at him since day 1 my elder brother was sick until today or to be precised since 2 months ago. It didnt really matter much to me anyway, thou he is my brother, but when I received SMS from him this morning, and when I tried to confront him about his behaviour, I could hardly control my anger towards him. We exchanged harshed sms to each other and he is really making me very mad. I used vulgar words towards him which I have never before. OMG!!!!!!!!!!! I am really out of control over my anger towards him.
I called my sis at the hospital, I cried over the phone tersedu-sedan telling my sis about what had happened. I told her that what I am trying to do is to get an answer from him why he did all these to us his own flesh and blood. What have we done wrong to him............. I still didnt get any answer from him......he discontinued the sms and didnt reply to me at all.
I know sis understand that I meant well for everyone, being the youngest in the family, I just want all of us to be together like before. Our parents dah tak de, yg tinggal cuma kite adik beradik, susah senang, suka duka selain keluarga sendiri, adik beradik lah tempat kite mengadu nasib. Especially me, slalu mencari-cari kasih sayang abang dan kakak untuk mengadu kerana terlalu rindukan arwah my mon and dad. My sis is always there for me, my brother to, but he had changed, I dont understand why??????????
Furthermore Puasa and Hari Raya pun nak dekat. I have to do something, to get this family back together again, I want to help him, but how, how can I help him if he is behaving very strangely towards us. "Ya allah tunjukkan lah jalan kepada hamba mu ini, ya allah, berikan hamba mu ini kekuatan untuk menyatukan kami kembali"